The Late Show

Last week's conversation with my clinic coordinator.

Me: I'm three weeks late, and still nothing.

CC: And you've taken a pregnancy test?

Me: Yes. Two. Both were negative. What do you think it could be?

CC: It's hard to say. We could schedule an ultrasound, if you want.

Me: What would that tell us?

CC: That it's a cyst, maybe?

Me: I've had cysts before, and they've never made me late. I just can't imagine what's going on.

CC: Well, it can sometimes happen that periods get thrown off because of natural hormonal changes that occur with age.

Me: Oh, that makes sense. [Long pause.] Wait. You mean menopause.

CC: Well, yes.

Me: ...

~~~

My period came at last. Four weeks late.

So I finally started birth control pills a couple days ago, which is good, but the delay pushes my biopsy from August to September, my transfer from October to November, and my baby from April 2008 to August 2013.

But it's OK, because it's summer, so I'm just going to relax and enjoy my popsicles and menopause.